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Friday, January 2, 2015

Yes....I am THAT Homeschool Mom

     There is a general consensus that homeschool Moms are these super sweet, religious, full of grace, demure, ladylike Mothers.  I'm sure there are some homeschool Moms out there that are actually like that and that is awesome but just so you know it is 2015 and a lot of us are well not like that at all.  You can use many words to describe me that  I would consider a compliment but none of the ones that I just mentioned come to mind;-)  So before you go up to someone in public and just assume that you will be safe from harm should you insult them because they are a homeschool Mom you should know they may not be like your idea Homeschool Mom they may be like me.  And I am THAT Homeschool Mom.
     By that I mean that I don't think it's any of your business why I'm in a grocery store at lunchtime with 5 kids and we are ALL wearing pajamas.  Now sure I have a very good, legal, even normal reason for this situation but the bottom line is it's not my duty to explain myself to you.  You don't know me and there is probably a reason for that because I would of told off your holier then thou, self righteous, smirky behind way before today had we already known each other.  Let me just take time out of my day to answer all your questions that you mistakenly feel you have a right to ask.

1.  Why aren't these kids in school?  It's the middle of the day and they are at the store in their pajamas!!.......Well first off it's Winter Break so even the one kid I have in public school isn't in school today he's at home probably playing Xbox in you guessed it his pajamas!! But as for this crew we homeschool and today was pajama day at a local museum so we just got finished there and I needed a few things from the store.  Now sure I could of went all the way home just to put clothes on myself and five kids but that seemed stupid since I would of drove by about 10 grocery stores on the way to do that.  So we decided to live life on the edge and hit up the Aldi at high noon in our pjs....had I known I would run into you I might of reconsidered my plan!!

2. This is an awful lot of kids do you not know what causes that?  Well yes of course I know what causes that I mean what kind of homeschool Mom would I be if I didn't know where babies came from?  I actually have four kids of my own and one that I've kind of taken in for a total of five.  Today though out of these five only three are mine the other two belong to a friend that I'm babysitting for.  Does that make it better?  (at this point I couldn't tell if she was relieved they weren't all mine or disturbed that someone else would actually leave their kids with me).

3.  Why did I hear you tell that one he couldn't have an apple when the one in the grocery cart is eating an apple ?  Seriously lady?!?! Maybe that one is deathly allergic to apples, or maybe he is being horrid and I'm punishing him by withholding fruit but how is that any concern of yours?!

     As she opens her mouth I realize I've reached that point.  I was being snarky to begin with thanks to her attitude but I was about to hit full blown bitch mode.  So yes if you saw some frizzy haired Mom in pajamas yelling at an older lady in the middle of the produce section while five kids (four of whom didn't have apples) looked on in awe that was me.  I am THAT homeschool Mom.  I am THAT homeschool Mom who although I did sort of explain myself to you doesn't think it's any of your business.   My kids could all be public school students who I am allowing to play hooky and it still wouldn't be any of your business.  All of them could of been mine or half of them could of belonged to the lady down the road but it still wouldn't be any of your business.  We could of all been in pajamas because I am an alcoholic who didn't feel like doing laundry and dressing everyone for the day and guess what once again none of your business.  Oh and now let me address the apple issue.  The kid in the cart is two and he wanted an apple so I decided to let him have one in order to avoid a hellacious meltdown in the grocery store, the kid whining about wanting an apple well he's seven and he knows he can wait until we get to the car for a snack.  The kicker here is he doesn't even like apples he is just being whiny which you would know if you knew us but you don't which brings me back to my original point that none of this is any of your business!!  At this point I can't believe the lady is still standing here conversing with me but she wasn't done yet.  Her last statement was a bad one to make to me she says "Aren't homeschool Moms supposed to be Godly women? You are obviously not I will be sure and pray for you."  I do not need you to pray for me if you are insistent on praying for someone then hit your knees and pray for your judgemental, hypocrtical, miserable self.  Now please close your mouth and get the hell out of my way before I ram you with my cart containing my apple eating kid!!!!!!
    Now as an afterthought I probably handled that poorly but  I am THAT homeschool Mom.  I am the one that doesn't homeschool because of God, food allergies, because we live in a bad area, etc.  I homeschool because I like my kids and because I don't want them to grow up to be anything like that lady!!  We all homeschool for different reasons.  I have friends that homeschool due to religion, food allergies, bullying, and tons of other reasons and that is okay because it's not anyone's business why we are homeschooling or even that we are.  Now if you want to start a genuine conversation with me about homeshooling I will talk your ear off.  I love homeschooling and I love the freedom it gives us to enjoy our kids BUT I am not the homeschool Mom you want to approach with negative intent.  It took every ounce of my raising and all the power of my medication to handle that situation as calmly as I did.  So remember the next time you approach one of those homeschool Moms you might want to tread carefully because it could be THAT homeschool Mom.  The one that's going to tell you exactly what she thinks of your asinine ways!!

Don't they look abused and miserable to you?  Geesh

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