I recently read a blog post about being a mean Mom...It was a fabulous post that really hit home with me and I think we need a lot more "mean" parents in the World. I will be linking that blog post at the end.
I lead a local homeschool group that is around 500 families, and I wrangle a minimum of our 5 boys daily. Our house pretty much always has extras so typically it's more than 5. I think that due to those few things people feel comfortable reaching out to me and asking parenting questions. I don't mind to answer the questions at all but if you know me you know everyone might not like the answers I give;-)
The most commonly asked questions are;
1. How do you get your kids to do their schoolwork?
2. How do you get your kids to do chores?
3. How do you make your kids go to bed?
4. How do you convince your kids to spend so much time outside?
Well I get them to do that stuff because I tell them to do it. That's right, it's that simple. I tell them to do it. Why? Because I am their parent and they are children. Children need parents, they need to be parented. After I say that people always ask "Is it really that easy?" Uhm no....it's never easy. One day I can tell them to do their school and they do it with no complications, the next day I can tell them to do it and THEN I spend the remainder of the day looking over their shoulders, lecturing, and maybe even getting a little not nice to get them to finish it. Okay sometimes it is a lot not nice ;-) Chores actually never really cause a big issue at our house. Each kid has a chore room, we rotate the chore rooms monthly or close to it. They spend an average of 20-30 minutes a day doing chores and they handle it great 99% of the time. We also have barn chores, reptile chores, and dog chores that they take in stride because they love their animals. Bedtime is not always seamless but I have always been huge on a bedtime. When they lay down at the end of the day that is when I get "my time", that time is important for any parent. They go to bed when we say to and if they try to get up for endless cups of water we put a stop to it fairly quickly. They go outside because we have always encouraged outside time. If we feel like they've been inside too long staring at tablets we make them turn them off and go outside. The boys spend hours outside daily:-) Again it isn't easy and it sometimes gets ugly but as the parents we stick with it.
I fully believe children need a chance to be able to make decisions for themselves, but before you give that freedom you have to parent and teach them how to make correct decisions. Kids don't just magically know how to do the right thing. It's our job to show them.
My kids are constantly wanting to try new extracurricular activities, if we let them they would change every two months. Here are my thoughts on that. Trying new things is great and you should give them chances to do that, but don't allow them to flake out on the responsibility of the previous activity they just had to do two weeks ago. If our kids sign up for a season of soccer and then decide three weeks in that it's not for them. Oh well, they have to finish the season. Why? Because they wanted to do it, they chose and agreed to the commitment, they have a coach and teammates who are now counting on them. If we constantly let them quit everything they start they will never find a love for anything and they will never have a change to gain skill at anything. At the end of the season they can be done, they don't have to sign up again.
Our kids are NOT perfect, our parenting is NOT perfect but you are obligated to try your absolute best to be the best parent you can be. If you don't, you are failing your child. You don't have to be perfect, no one is. One parenting style isn't going to fit every family. But you 100% do have to parent and you 100% do have to try your best. You had the kids...step up and do the rest.
One comment we get often is, "You guys are so lucky to have such well behaved kids." We do have great kids, we love them dearly BUT it's not luck. It's been several years of hard work, lots of mistakes, losing our cool, wine, cuss words, hugs, apologies, and EFFORT!!
I say all this to say I am the "mean" Mom, and I'm okay with that. Apparently my kids are also because even though the sometimes pout when they have to do something they don't like they also shower me with hugs, and I love yous daily. Be the "mean" Mom or Dad and be proud of it. And when it gets hard, or you want to give up just look at those precious faces and know you're doing this for the most important reason in the World. Your Child...and they need you to be a parent.
Now as promised... here is where you can find the blog post that inspired me to do this one...
I'm a Mean Mom and I don't Care.
