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Saturday, June 18, 2016

Dear Dad on Father's Day...

Father's Day is a bittersweet day for those who have Fathers no longer here. Nothing sucks as bad as losing a loved one. For me though Father's Day unlocks more then just emotions of a loss but also emotions of anger, sadness, guilt, and so many more. The relationship I had with my Father was turbulent on its best days. He was a good man in a lot of ways but in others he was not. I am not speaking ill of the dead I am simply stating a fact. He would help any and everybody any chance he got. He would give you the shirt off his back, he was always like that for as far back as I can remember. He never missed a chance to say I love you and he absolutely adored his grand-kids. But to those of us that were closest to him he had a few faults that overshadowed the good from time to time. And unfortunately for him I inherited his ability to hold a grudge. However with each passing year the grudge gets a little harder to hold onto and instead I find myself faced with sadness. Sadness that he is no longer there when I automatically pick up the phone to give him an update on the boys, sadness that since his passing he has two more grandsons he will never get to meet nor will they meet him, sadness that he isn't here to see just how much one of those grandson's favors him. I have struggle more with my Dad's death then I ever thought I would. Some things just catch us a little more off guard then we think they will and his death was one of those for me. I keep thinking about how things could be different and what I could say if he were still alive. There are just too many things to count so I am going to stick with short and sweet.

Happy Father's Day Dad!! I forgive you for everything I never was able to forgive you for when you were still here. I know you tried hard and I appreciate it. Thanks for loving us and thanks for loving the boys. You would be so proud of the kids, they are growing up to be pretty amazing!! We miss you.

Your oldest (the one who is just a little more like you then she cares to admit)

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