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Sunday, January 26, 2014

My Take on the Mommy Wars

Over the past several days I have noticed a trend in the articles and blog posts that I’ve read.  People are writing about the “Mommy Wars”, you know the whole stay at home vs. working Mom revolution.  I have an opinion about just about everything (as we all know) so I have to throw my two cents in here.
I started working when I was 15, if anyone had told me I would be a stay at home Mom EVER I would of laughed outright.  But then I actually had kids.  I wanted to stay home with them, it probably started as a control thing (I have control issues).  I wanted them taken care of a certain way and still do.  Three years ago I took a few more steps over the stay at home Mom fence when I started homeschooling.  To most that know me this was even more amusing then me staying at home.  Regardless I love being home with my kids.  That does NOT mean I don’t need a break (thankfully I have what is probably the most wonderful Husband in the World).  It also does not mean that my absolutely angelic children refrain from driving me bat shit crazy from time to time.  They do!!! Fairly often actually….they happen to be very talented in this area. I have worked at a few part time jobs over the years and in the end I wound up miserable which in turn made the rest of the house pretty miserable.  My Husband, in an effort to save all of our sanity finally told me just to stop.  I was contributing by raising our children the way we felt was right and that would always be enough. A lot of people feel like stay at home Moms, especially homeschooling ones, are some robotic version of a super housewife.  Let me set the record straight….I am a good Mom, and a good Wife, I am a horrible housewife.  I hate cleaning…I mean really hate it.  I will do just about anything to get out of the daily aspects of running our household.  I love cooking but something about being required to do it 45 times a day in order to feed a small army makes it less enjoyable.  My kids and myself for that matter tend to look like homeless orphans more times than not.  What do I care if everyone’s clothes match we stay home and look at each other all day.  My Husband always matches …thank goodness for work issued uniforms.  Despite all of that I still want to be here instead of anywhere else.

The disturbing trend of the Mommy Wars completely rubs me the wrong way.  I chose to parent this way, that doesn’t make someone else’s way wrong (unless they are just crappy parents) in that case they are wrong.  But being a working Mom doesn’t make anyone a crappy parent any more than being a stay at home Mom does.  Some Moms work because they have to and that is just part of life, we all have to do things we don’t want to in order to survive.  But some Moms work because they want to and that is okay.  I have huge respect for all the Moms out there that work and keep their kids happy and alive at the same time.  During our homeschool journey I have even met some Moms that work full time and homeschool (seriously there should be a Mom medal for that).  I have had friends tell me that they tried staying home and it made them miserable which made the rest of their house miserable too, just like I said about me not staying at home.  Every family and every Mom is different.  Stay at home, working, sending kids to public school, choosing to homeschool…..we are all still Moms.

The next time you go to judge another Mom for doing what they do, take a step back and well shut up.  Working doesn’t make anyone a bad Mom, staying at home doesn’t either.  If you love your kids and take care of them (this is the biggie) then you are NOT a bad Mom.  Being a Mom is hard, it doesn’t matter which lifestyle you chose to be a Mom in.  So let’s quit with the bitchiness and support all our fellow Moms.  Plan a coffee date with the working Mom down the road that you never talk to, or plan a play date with the stay at home Mom up the road.

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