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Saturday, May 30, 2015

The Battle of the Sexes....Will We Buy Pink or Blue???

In two weeks we find out if our newest addition will be a boy or a girl.  Now this is the part where I tell you that we already have four boys.  And this is the part where all the well-meaning people with girls love telling me that boys are easier than girls…now most of these people only have girls but…..

I love my boys…I mean really, really love them.  As a person you love your family and your friends but I am convinced that once you become a parent you discover a whole new kind of love.  These handsome boys, these adorable, sweet little pains in my ass are the loves of my life.  Do I want to lock them in the basement sometimes??  Absolutely!! But go ahead let me hear you say they are anything less than perfect!! It will be you taking a trip to the basement.  You will do anything to protect your child, you will spend countless hours thinking of ways to keep them safe and then countless years realizing it doesn’t matter what you do they are going to get hurt.

As our ultrasound appointment draws nearer I am finding me more and more conflicted.  I am convinced it is a boy; a small part of me thinks this is just a defense mechanism.  My pregnancy hormones about caused me to be committed when I found out the fourth bundle of joy was coming out with yet another penis.  I have FOUR boys and my Husband I mean it is like the penis house of horrors most days around here.  Most of my family is convinced it is a girl.  I’m not sure if they really think that or are just hoping against hope it’s true for fear of a repeat hormone appearance.  Still there is a small part of me that thinks (way back in the back of my head) that maybe this time it will be a girl. THEN…..

That same small part goes insane with fear and thinks A GIRL???? In this house!!! OMG what the hell I am supposed to do with a girl???  How will a girl survive in this enormous puddle of testosterone?  I am going to have to invent some kind of bullet proof playpen to keep her in just to keep her alive.  You think I’m joking but four boys in one house is no joke.  My now four year old blacked my eye with a rubber duck when he was two.  My seven year old is obsessed with horses, he has fell or been bucked off a horse at least five times in his short life.  They have gashed their side falling off slides, had rocks embedded in their head from bike crashes, fell (climbed) out of cribs it should have been impossible to get out of, fell backwards off the trampoline, had to be rescued from the pool more than once, dislocated their wrist pitching a fit in the Lego Lodge at our local zoo, cut their legs on glass, and had baseballs bounced off their face.  Those are just the disasters that I can think of off the top of my head, oh wait I can’t forget the oldest boy who is thirteen going on 20 and has no idea how strong he is.  He walks through the house thinking he is just tapping everyone playfully but in fact he is making me want to deck him because he hurts!!!  But still they have all four survived... I mean boys are tough right?? I hate to be sexist but aren’t girls supposed to be fragile??? Does it sound like something fragile could survive all of ^^^^^^^^^THAT??? The thought is terrifying!!!   So I finish my panic attack and comfort myself by saying it is probably another boy.  Now sure this means that all the cute purple clothes I keep pinning on Pinterest won’t ever be bought, I will never get to pick out a prom dress, or say that is my daughter she is just like me.  But this also means I won’t have to spend the next several years trying to keep this delicate little girl alive and not traumatized from the penis house of horrors.

In the end I think this is a huge case of damned if you do…damned if you don’t.  Who knows if we will be buying pink or blue but I can honestly say that thanks to modern day medication I will be able to handle either option like a champ;-)

DISCLAIMER**** We don’t have a basement!!

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